word on the street is that my fabulous family is being considering for spot on weekend warriors. or something on the diy network. they're still working out the details. it sounds like you got a lot accomplished this weekend. way to go! i only wish i could have been there to help. it killed me to be away.
this moment has to be bittersweet for all of us, doesn't it? or am i the only one feeling this way? in my guilt induced misery, i had a major breakdown this weekend. there may or may not have been things thrown [i.e. my phone and the pillows i was crying into. you can start researching psych wards. pull it together, ash!]. i am slowly dealing with the reality that i just might [very likely] not step foot into that main street mansion ever again. and that makes me stomach hurt. i know it's just a thing; a material object that has no real lasting value. but, it does. doesn't it? it holds the smell of grandma and grandpa alexander's. it holds the laughter. it holds the chaos. it holds the ball being thrown for miles. it holds the turkey on the counter. it holds the memories. it holds everything. but, we hold everything too. don't we?
and since i can't give my proper goodbye... i have a favor for all of you. walk around the garden for me. take a moment at the wild flower patch she was so [rightfully] proud of. stand in the kitchen a little longer. sit upstairs and listen to the laughter of four innocent girls. take in the creativity of the garage. stand on the porch and watch everyone wave goodbye one more time. take it in. because i can't.
oh, and if you get a chance [lolo], post pictures from this weekend? or any good ones of the house... in its glory, with its alive spirit, with us?
i'm not sure
i love you. i miss you. a
I made the mistake of reading this post at school while my summer school kiddos were finishing some of their work. I started crying, instantly, and they weren't quite sure what to do; how to make me feel better. Oddly enough, I'm not sure exactly how to make myself feel better either.
ReplyDeleteThere are almost 26 (yikes!) years of memories contained inside that house. Mom and I were talking the other day about how scared we were that Grandma was the glue that kept us together. The one person bringing us all to Johnson for family gatherings. Although I know that she was a big part of it, I have to hope that her being gone won't change the fact that every time we're together (no matter where we are) there is laughter and love and joy. I pray and pray that we will stay together. Keep our Thanksgivings; keep our Christmases. Keep making memories. I can't imagine what life would be like if we didn't...
Thank you ashley for your amazing post. It's sometimes eery reading your words because it's like you're reading my mind!
xoxo